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For the single gay man not really interested in pursuing a serious relationship, the HMGM is almost as safe as a straight man, or a gay man involved with a male partner.

Unconsciously, the single individual assumes that not much can come from this - but when it does, he will flee the relationship. I have treated many couples - gay and straight - whose relationship began as 'just an affair'.

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Otherwise, you'll only cause harm and pain - not just for you and your HMGM, but for his wife and family too.

If he tells you that his wife does know and has arrived at some sort of agreement with him, you still have a lot to consider. Even though he may not be involved with his wife emotionally or sexually, his being legally married creates a built-in exit in your relationship.

When you date an HMGM, you have no way of knowing for sure whether he will leave his wife.

It's best not to get involved at all until he does leave her and moves on, or at least decides what to do.

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If you're in a relationship with a heterosexually married man, there are a number of factors to understand if you choose to continue down that route.

Gay men who pursue closeted HMGM are just as unavailable as their potential partners.

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While this does happen, it is not optimal and I don't recommend it, if only because it seldom works out for everyone involved - and especially not for the innocent people who get hurt.

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