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Thinking about how you look during sex stops you from enjoying yourself and ruins your chances of achieving an orgasm.

Ladies, be honest: when your sex life becomes a little humdrum, out comes the mental catalogue of all the ways your partner isn’t quite measuring up.

Guys tend to get a bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns us on, making them easy targets in the blame game when sexual satisfaction starts to wane.

In fact, more than 50% of women and 52% of men who went into a one-night stand, according to Fisher, reported that they did so hoping to create a longer relationship. “Two huge mistakes in this culture are that women are not sexual and that men are not as romantic [as women].” Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing just about any time you ask, but not true for men.

The pressures of everyday life -- family, work, bills -- can zap a man’s libido.

Even the best lover can’t know what she needs without her letting him know.” The good news, according to Fisher, is that men very much want to please women.

“If you can tell them in a way that doesn’t kill their ego, they will appreciate it,” says Fisher.

“A woman must take responsibility for her sexual encounter,” says Westheimer.

“No man can bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her sexual experience.

This comes as a big surprise to many women, and often his lack of interest in sex is something we take personally.

“It comes as such a shock [to women] that they just don’t believe it,” Fisher says about the reaction many women have when their partner says they aren’t in the mood for sex.

He just doesn’t want to have sex.” Talking very directly about sex, what we like and don’t like can make us feel uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and otherwise feel close to, says Parrott.

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