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Thus began a journey to know God and understand life; a journey from bondage to grace; a journey she's still making.
At age 17 she fell in love with her best friend and her perfect little formulated world came crashing down.
She was homeschooled her whole life, raised in a cultic church and with the principles taught by Bill Gothard and IBLP.
It somehow validates my belief that some of the teachings I grew up with were very wrong. I rejected the teachings of courtship and emotional purity when I was 19. In fact, I have identified several ways that these teachings can damage a person’s heart. Shame because that’s “sinful” and “emotionally impure.” Shame because it sets a standard and proclaims that you are somehow shameful if you cannot keep it. Because your heart is whole and she just gave a piece of hers to a guy she isn’t married to. You have more to give your future husband than she does. This has nothing to do with the righteousness and grace of God, and everything to do with the accomplishments of man. I was trying to explain this to my friend, and it came out sounding so .
Lately, I’ve also started facing the ways in which the teachings of “emotional purity,” (a la Josh Harris, the Ludys, and others) have damaged the part of my brain that makes healthy relationships function. You are considered damaged goods if you have fallen in love and had your heart broken. I remember watching a video in which one of the biggest names in the courtship movement bragged with obvious arrogance that he didn’t tell his wife he loved her until their wedding. We took something as simple as saying ‘I love you,’ built a straw man rule around it (‘saying I love you is defrauding’), then hung it like a trophy on our walls.” Job well done, folks. They create skewed views of relationships which lead to dysfunction. Where others see nothing wrong, I am suspicious of every look, every situation, every witty exchange. I feel ill at ease sometimes even talking to other men. I’m really good at pushing those feelings away and acting “normal.” But I am bothered by my reaction to everyday situations.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.
I leave you with the words of a very wise man:“To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Maybe time is the only cure, and I need to be more patient with myself. I have talked with literally hundreds of alumni my age, and I am not exaggerating the extent of the issue.
This is one dysfunction that I really wish I could be freed from. When you choose to love, you are choosing to accept risking a broken heart. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). We build neat little formulas and say “THIS will keep me safe! Thanks to those good intentions, we are seeing an entire generation of homeschool alumni who have no idea how to have normal relationships.
Furthermore, in the last season, its arc not only introduces the majority of the classic characters from the comic but also the members and enemies of the allied superhero team, The Doom Patrol.
Deathstroke appeared as the series' main antagonist, though he used his civilian name of "Slade" due to the executives thinking "Deathstroke" was inappropriate (which became redundant come the adaptation).
Instead, we will teach our children to love God with all that they have, all that they are; and to love and respect others as they love themselves.
You can do everything “wrong” and still be blessed. We will not be passing on these things to the next generation.
There are many times that I don’t realize just how much strange teaching I’ve had to undo in my life. She now lives in gorgeous Montana with her husband and three kids, loving life, writing about spiritual abuse and grace, and leading worship for church, retreats, and special events.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating