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When I mentioned to my friend Mark that I was writing this chapter, he said, "Yikes! " He then proceeded to tell me about his own struggles and achievements as he worked on each of these "relationship" Steps.

Sometimes these Steps take a long time to work through the first time, and because recovery and relationships are ongoing realities, these are Steps that are revisited time and time again.

When they were drinking and using, they may have grown used to doing whatever it took to cover up, excuse, or engage in their addictive behavior.

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speed dating events in hereford - Dating a drug addict boyfriend

As the Big Book explains it, a personal inventory works much like a business inventory, similar to when a store owner sorts through his or her goods to see which are salable, which are damaged, and which have to be thrown out.

When PIRs do a personal inventory, they list the things--their thoughts, feelings, character traits, and behaviors--that stand in the way of recovery and those personal strengths that can help in recovery.

There is no right or wrong way to do this Step, and those who work it don't stop to try to figure out why they did what they did--they merely make a list in whatever way works best for them, trying to be as "searching and fearless" as they can be.

After listing their resentments, many PIRs include in their lists the other categories suggested in the Big Book: This last category of sexual harms is not limited to actual physical harms like infecting someone with a sexually transmitted disease, or having sex with someone against their will.

Paul said that the more thorough the list, the better, in order to make sure the PIR deals with any smoldering resentments (or other thoughts and feelings) that might creep out later in an unhealthy way.

The moral inventory in Step Four gives PIRs a practical tool for honestly and courageously facing how their addictive actions may have hurt others and harmed themselves in the process.

It is obviously very important, therefore, for PIRs to identify and release their resentments in a constructive way.

My friend Paul told me about helping PIRs make "resentment lists." He said at first they'll say "heck no, I don't have any resentments," until they actually start listing the people and things that make them angry.

They work on taking responsibility for the harm they have caused others, and acknowledge the harm that others have caused them.

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